Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
