I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
