I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
