I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
