I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
