You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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