I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
