I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
