using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
