Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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