for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
