she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
