I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
