I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The best revenge is premature balding
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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