Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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