it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
