It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
