whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
