i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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