I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
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