i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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