I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
