i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
