Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
