Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
