I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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