Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
