This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
