Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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