He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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