I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
