I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
