it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
