I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If I die, sorry about rent.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
