Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
did i walk over a car last night?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
