I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
try to milk me bitch
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
