New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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