i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
