I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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