I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
