Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize