what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
