Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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