Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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