I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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