shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
