Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
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