The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
