Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i've created a new STD.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
