She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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