Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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