it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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