Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
