he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I can't put those talents on a resume
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
