I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We left the knife in your bed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
