New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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