watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
