I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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